For forever
by Tsuki no mizu
Summary: And it washed over me, the frustration of being the only one in my family that couldn’t fight our natural instincts, being like a newborn that couldn’t keep his thirst controlled by his mind, being a burden to all of them, being a burden to her.JaspxAlic


None of the characters belong to me... The all belong to a great writer wich much more talent than me :D

* * *

**For forever**

* * *

It wasn't normal.

I've been around to many newborns to know that, to know the way they usually behave. I've seen and trained enough newborns to understand they are unstable, irritable, driven by instincts. I've witnessed the uncountable slaughters newborns did, the way human scent drove them crazy, the malice in their crimson eyes. I saw so many times the loss of their human souls.

It wasn't normal, and even more than that _It wasn't fair._

Here she is, standing in front of all of us, her once brown chocolate eyes now crimson for the human blood that was still in her body, her once ivory skin now whiter and completely smooth and hard as diamonds. She looked like a newborn, she smelled like one, she had the uncommonly strength characteristic of recently turned vampires. She had everything, except the lack of control, except the loss of the soul. I could feel it, her calmness washed over me like a warm shower, like a warm sunny day by the sea, and as much as I tried to keep her emotions and aura at bay in order to feel myself, really feel myself she kept calming my racing and confused mind.

A gift they call it, in occasions like this it was more like a curse.

Not being able to feel my feelings purely. Feeling what others feel, being the mirror of other's auras, it was exhausting, confusing.

Feeling the endless compassion and peace that came from Carlisle, the almost childish joviality of Emmet, the self satisfaction and vanity of Rosalie, the unconditional motherly love of Esme, the joy and renewed hope and happiness from Edward (that in some way was better than the cranky mood he used to be in before Bella), the calmness and unconditional devotion of Bella, the new and exciting curiosity and innocence of Resnesmee and the never ending beautiful –and for me the more cherished- cheerfulness and excitement for life of my beautiful wife.

But this time I wanted to feel frustrated, betrayed by life itself, I wanted to feel miserable, I wanted to feel worthless of all the faith every member of this family put into me. But to do so I had to get away from Bella's and Edward's constant waves of happiness and satisfaction, from everybody else, I wanted to stop being the mirror and for once be the glass that left everything in plain sight, but not here, I _couldn't _be a glass around anybody, I will always be other's mirror.

I walked out of the living room; I needed to go into the woods, run under the moon, have some time with myself and let my own emotions take the best of me. I walked out the front door, Glad the Renesmee kept the devoted attention of everyone. Edward must know what I thought, but he was always too respectful of my decisions, he was a gentleman in all the sense of the word after all.

I begun running, running not caring where I may end up, running until I was completely alone in the woods, until the only thing I could feel was me.

And it washed over me, the frustration of being the only one in my family that couldn't fight our natural instincts, being like a newborn that couldn't keep his thirst controlled by his mind, being a burden to all of them, _being a burden to her._

To Alice, to my wife, to my one and only love

A burden because she'll constantly be checking my moves, checking my surroundings so they could restrain me if I lost control, a burden because she'll always look at Edward to ask him quietly if I could handle being around people.

A burden because I worried her the most, she felt the pain in my throat when I smelled human blood, she felt the thirst hurt me, and she'll worry, she'll congratulate me every night for not slaughtering some unfortunate human, for barely keeping up with the rest of my family.

I was a disgrace, I should be better, at least better than Bella.

Bella, a newborn, turned barely a couple of weeks ago, and already she had more control than I did, more than I could muster.

I loved her, as my baby sister I loved her. But I also envied her, envied her mind, her strength, I wish I could have it, make my Alice be as proud as Edward, who glowed with satisfaction at the unbelievable self control his wife showed, who had everything, while my Alice still only had me.

I was being selfish because somehow I desired for Bella to lose it, to show everyone she was not out of the ordinary, so she'll be the one everyone will be worried about, not me.

I was being selfish, but unlike Edward, I didn't care about this. Because I wanted to be selfish for my wife, to make her proud, to deserve her love and trust.

I walked back to the house; soon my feelings were going to be mixed with the ones that came from the other members of my family, and confused I would begun to wonder again which ones really belonged to me and which ones where just a reflection of the others.

I run on a clearing, the moon shone spectacularly upon the trees, and in the middle of it all, washed in the silver light was the most beautiful creature in the world.

Her slender petite body moved with the grace of a feather floating in the wind, her childlike golden eyes smiled at me with relief and her melodious voice bathed me with happiness

"What a coincidence" she said teasingly and I laughed

"I bet that is what this is" she moved closer to me never lowering her gaze, always looking straight into my eyes like if she could read my thoughts through them, and I somehow felt she could. She brushed delicately my lower lip

"You're doing great" I snorted but she still kept caressing my face, running her fingers through my golden locks, still looking at my soul.

I should be better. _She deserved better_

I circled her tiny waist with my arms and put my chin upon her head, I loved her being so small, so fragile-looking, so sweet and so protectable. It made her perfect for me.

"I love you Jazz" and her love filled me, suddenly making my worries vanish

"I love you too" I lifted her chin and lowered to kiss her, first tender and sweet, then more passionate until I found myself on top of her in the wet grass of the clearing. I loved her, I knew that. I wasn't confused about the interference of her feelings with mine because _they didn't interfere._

They complemented each other, creating in me a whole world of warmth, honey and jasmine.

"I really, truly love you" I repeated feeling my smile threaten to break my face.

She laughed, laughed of joy, happiness, a lighthearted loving laugh that filled me with bliss

"I really, truly love you too silly… and I don't see that changing anytime soon" she said pointing at her head "now let's go back, Emmet will challenge Bella again"

"Who wins?" I asked laughing; forgetting all the frustration and confusion Bella had caused me hours ago

"Bella" she grinned "you really don't want to miss it", she tried to get up from the floor and I pinned her down again, she looked at me first wide eyed and then smiled at me devilishly "See you have some more interesting plans for us tonight"

I smirked at her

"Really, surprise you it's an impossible task" she giggled and I caressed her cheek, slowly lowering to kiss her again, to kiss her for forever.

I loved her, and so I'll keep struggling, no matter how frustrating my task was. She trusts me and I shall repay that trust.

She stands for all my hopes, she is all my reasons… she is why I live for.

For forever.

* * *

I really really appreciate you reading this little story, my first fic about Jasper and Alice, hope I got things right and not too out of characters. Well **review please**!!! It takes no time and helps me a looooooooooooot!, since English is not my first language I always learn from your comments and tips.

**Again, THANK YOU!!**


End file.
